I'm Still Alive!

Hello Internet.

Miss me? I know I did.

It's been a while since I've updated. I know you're probably thinking that I'm taking a well-deserved break after writing what critics nowhere have forgotten to call The Greatest Novel Ever Written!

BUT THIS IS NOT SO! NO REST FOR ME!

I'll have plenty of time to enjoy my success when I'm dead. As for now, this is an update letting all you Dangerlings out there know to sit tight. There are BIG THINGS in the works! I know you're curious. I know some of you are bi-curious. So here's a little bit of info on some of the projects I've been up to:

1. Halfway through a new novel. No plans on if and when that will ever be released, but the first and most difficult step is finishing the damn thing. Second and second-most difficult step is finding some poor publisher foolish enough to put it out.
But don't worry. I'm working on it. I promise.

2. I going to be writing an original 6 issue comic book. The deal is being finalized. Contracts are being drawn up. Goat's blood spilled. Virigins sacrificed. This process is still in it's infancy. I'm currently working on the first drafts of the scripts (and when I say "currently" I mean that quite literally. I stopped working on it for the 10 minutes it took to write this stupid post) they're finding an illustrator, distributors, etc.
As of now, we're looking at the first issue coming out in the winter 2012/2013.
I'll let you know more specifics on this as I get them.

The unfortunate byproduct of working on these two major projects is that finding the time to write and polish shorter fiction has fallen to the wayside and the short stories I used to get published and post up have taken a back seat for a while. I know that saddens you. Take a Paxil and drink a beer. You'll get through this.

In the meantime, why not read or re-read some of the other published works I have posted up around the internet.

And I just joined Twitter so follow me (@Danger_Slater) and read all about my sad life as a relatively obscure author of bizarro fiction!

Until next time, that is all.

I love you.

~ Danger_Slater

Two New Stories!

Good Morning Faithful Readers!

I'm going to skip the usual theatrics (sorry, no donkey show this week, folks) and get right to the meat of the matter. NEW STORIES!!!!

First up, some new flash fiction up at The Flash Fiction Offensive:

WEREHAND - you know, like a werewolf...but with a hand...

And secondly, an epic new story up at none other than the greatest lit-mag on the dark side of the internet Jersey Devil Press:

RED HOT PANDA LOVE - it's a story of science, sex, religion and pandas. This is one of my personal favorites and if you consider yourself a fan of mine, I implore you to check it out.

There you go. Fun for the whole family. You have lots of reading to do. I'll leave you to it.

Until we meet again,
Danger!

I Will Make You Love Me!

How's it going, Internet?

So, I know you already own a copy of my debut novel LOVE ME.
That's a given. Right? RIGHT?!?
Well, just in case you're not sure of what to think, here are a couple of reviews it has recieved so far:

The Hipster Book Club had some very nice things to say about it, as did Hampton Reviews, who gave it 5 stars. And 5 stars just happens to be what LOVE ME recieved from Jagged Edge Reviews as well.

So count 'em. Three reviews so far! And they all liked it!

Q: How can three people be wrong?
A: They can't. It's scientifically impossible.

So there you have it. You are bound by your faith in logic and science to praise LOVE ME in all it's various form, be it the Paperback or Kindle or the Holy Ghost.

And keep your eyes peeled, Dangerlings, because I have it on good authority that there are several more reviews coming in over the next few months.

Actually, don't peel your eyes. That'd be gross.

Hugs and kisses,
Danger!

Two Things!

Hello y'all.

Two quick things for you today:

#1. I have a new poem out called ODE TO BANANA at Clutching At Straws. I'm not much of a poet, but they like their verse weird over there, so on that front, I am happy to deliver.

ODE TO BANANA

#2. Jersey Devil Press has a new book out! Well, it's not exactly a new book as it came out in e-format a 2 months ago, but it's new in paperback, which is good news for you Luddites out there who enjoy books that eventually will rot. That is, unless you're really, REALLY a Luddite, in which case you probably only like your books in stone tablet form. I'm getting off topic here. What I'm trying to say is buy the paperback version SCREW THE UNIVERSE, the latest novel from Stephen Schwegler and Eirik Gumeny. I read it. It's funny as shit. Funny as clown shit, even.

SCREW THE UNIVERSE

Good times. Good times.
~ Danger!

You're Fired!

Hello out there in Internetland!

May I direct your attentinon to Ryan Werner's literary project Our Band Could Be Your Lit.

If you don't know, at OBCBYL, Werner has taken on the challenge of writing flash fiction based off of songs suggested to him by other artists. Since I sometimes like to take a shit on my computer keyboard and then send if off to magazines for publication, I am such an "artist", which is why I suggested to him a song, which he turned into a story, which is now on the computer for your reading pleasure.

Here is Magic In Reverse based off of the Dead Milkmen's "If You Love Someone, Set Them On Fire" as suggested by me. It's the beautiful story of young love, the magic of youth, and self-immolation. And other-people-immolation, as well. Lot's of immolation in that story there.
Anyway, read it and find out for yourself:

MAGIC IN REVERSE

Please enjoy.
Love,
Danger_Slater

Bananahead!

Hi-ho, Dangerlings!

May I direct your attention over to the fantastic lit-zine The New Flesh to check out my latest piece of flash fiction, BANANAHEAD!

It's a tale of unscrupulous corporate greed, tabloid journalism, proper nutrition and sexual deviance. And the main character also happens to have a banana for a head.

BANANAHEAD

And keep your eyes peeled, fellow readers, because I have a different banana-related piece coming out in a week or two. Yeah, I like bananas. You got a problem with that?

Love,
Danger!

For Those About to Rock...

Are you guys ready to rock-n-roll????

Of course, by rock I mean mineral matter of variable composition condensed in mass by either heat or water, and by roll I'm obviously referring to a baked piece of bread used for sandwiches.

[obnoxious AC/DC voice] Are you guy ready for those two things???

Well, tough titty. My new short story BAND PRACTICE is not about minerals or bread. It's about music.

Sort of...

For anyone that's ever played in a band back in high school or ever dreamed of playing in a band...or even anyone who attended your friend's band's shitty practice his mom's garage, then this story is for you!!!

BAND PRACTICE

Head on over to the rockin' Waterhouse Review and check it the hell out!

See ya,
~ Dangernicity